A new story called The Quilt and more…

Time for my monthly intrusion into your inbox. 

First up, the exciting news that I am the guest author at the Xmas Rock n Roll Book Club at The Dublin Castle in Camden on Thursday 16th December. Previous months have featured books on The Pogues, Squeeze and Amy Winehouse, and now it is the turn of The Pointy Birds. Not before time!

The evening is hosted by the lovely Tony Gleed, and I will chat to him about my book Anoint My Head – How I Failed to Make it as Britpop Indie Rockstar. I may also read a few passages from said book – maybe the 1992 Blur v Suede gig at the Town and County Club; or our disastrous snow gig at The White Horse. Or maybe when we got bottled off stage by the rugby club chucking pints of piss at us or that time we supported the bouncy castle. It really is an embarrassment of riches.

There will also be some Q&A (if anyone turns up). PLUS, rumour has it, there may be some live music from a very special guest band, although talks continue at a very high level on that front.

Tickets are now available in the link below – it’s a fiver in advance, and given the Pointy Birds were so massive(ly ignored) back in the day, tickets are likely to sell like hot mince pies, that I will hand out if you come along.

And to add extra, extra value, if you attend, you will get some free Pointy Birds hits sent to you in MP3 format (cue joke that that is not an incentive).

Can’t say fairer than that.

So if you fancy a trip down memory lane, back to the early nineties, back to a time of innocence, then grab a ticket by clicking this blue button, and I’ll see you down the front.

What else?

Got a brand new story, hot off the press – it’s called The Quilt.

It’s a bit sad and a bit silly. A bit like life, maybe. And it’s all true apart from the bits I made up. I need some feedback before it properly sees the light of day, so if you are interested in being an early reader, reply to this email, and I’ll send it to you. It’s not too long, about 5000 words/12 pages and takes about 16 minutes to read. In return, I’ll grant you three wishes.

I’m hoping it will be one of a collection of made-up-true-short-stories that will be out in book form soon.

Here is the opening salvo to give you an idea of the meat in the sandwich…


I had arranged to meet Lawyer Pete at the Rose & Crown in Stoke Newington. It was an open mic night, and The Quilt was performing some of his songs. But the sofa had claimed me, and going to a gig on my night off was a busman’s holiday. Plus, a new episode of Midsomer Murders was on the TV. Pete rang me in a state of some distress.

“Where are you, Pointy?”

I made my excuses.

“Oh, my God, you need to hear this.”

I held the receiver away from my ear as piercing feedback screeched down the phone line. It sounded like some kind of satanic ritual involving the torture of several cats. And not in a good way.

“What the hell is that?” I asked once the cacophony had subsided.

“It’s the Quilt! He’s on stage.”

Pete had gone outside of the pub to relay the dark arts that were taking place inside.

“It’s quite incredible. He’s out of tune, can’t sing or play, and the songs are terrible – no rhythm or melody. People are leaving in droves. You must come down and bear witness. I think there may be some genius going on here.”

“Ok, cool, I might see you in a bit,” I lied, stretching out like a sleepy cat and enjoying the comfort of my sofa even more.

For the rest of the evening, I ignored Pete’s repeated calls, but the next morning I picked up. Pete was still in shock.

“I have never seen anything like it. The open mic audiences are usually quite forgiving, but he cleared the entire pub. The landlord was not happy.”

“And how was The Quilt?”

“Oblivious! He has a total blind spot to the of the negative effect his music has on others.”

“Remind me when and where he is next playing so that I can avoid!”

“Will do, old boy. I better go; he is coming around for some post-gig analysis. I don’t know what I’m going to say.”

“Don’t encourage him!”

“Will try not to, but he has done so much work for me around the house. He is putting this conservatory in for a pittance.”

Fearing Pete was about to ask me if I could offer The Quilt a gig, I decided to pretend there was phone interference and hung up.

Reply to this email if you want to read what happens next!

And/or if you missed it in the last newsletter, here is a finished story for your reading pleasure. It’s called A Night in Dieppe (Or Molly Ringwald & the Onions), and you can read/download it for free, right here, right now. This one takes about 17 minutes to read and goes perfectly with a cup of tea and a biscuit or a pint and a packet of crisps. Enjoy!

Lastly, the hardback edition of Anoint My Head is now available for purchase and rather splendid it is too. Plus, it will fit snugly into a Xmas stocking or make the perfect birthday gift so maybe buy one for all your friends and family.

Here she is on the catwalk:

Buy Hardback Edition right here

The book recently received a lovely review in Louder Than War Magazine by the very nice Iain Key, a journalist of immaculate taste and infinite wisdom who said, and I quote:

“Anoint My Head is a great read which rips along at pace and would make an excellent dramatisation or comedy series.”

Quite. Can someone tell Netflix?

You can read his full review here.

I think that’s enough yakking for now. I do have some exciting news about something that might be happening next summer in a city called Edinburgh, but I will save that for next time.

Until then…



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